Asking for Referrals Isn't Rude, If Done Correctly

The average person has 150 people in their social circle. How many of them know your name?

Most Agencies fall into one of two camps. They either skip asking for referrals at all, or they take a passive approach such as handing over a business card with the hope that their clients won't toss it in the trash. Neither approach builds a steady, reliable source of referrals, and both create missed opportunities.

The hesitation is understandable. Many Agencies avoid asking because they don't want to come across as pushy or make clients uncomfortable. And they're right to be cautious, referrals can be handled in a manner that comes across as aggressive.

Think about it this way: when a friend raves about a great restaurant and suggests that you try it, do you feel pressured? Or do you feel like they did you a favor?

The key to asking for a referral is to be in the middle of being too passive and too aggressive, which leaves being assertive. Remember, you get to set the tone of the conversation! It doesn't have to be pushy and can actually be fun!

Here are Five insights to help your Agency ask for referrals in an assertive manner:

Insight 1: Set the Expectation Early

The best time to mention referrals is at the beginning of a meeting. You don't need to hide the fact that you will ask for introductions to others but frame it as a chance for the client to help their family and friends. When you set the expectation upfront, it removes awkwardness later and frames referrals as part of your normal process not a favor you're suddenly requesting.

• The Script: "We've found that our best clients come from introductions from people like you. If I do a great job for you, I'm going to ask you to help me identify one or two people you know that I can introduce myself to."
• Be sure to add "Introduction to Others" on the agenda that you give to your clients. It not only gives them a heads-up that you will be asking, but it will also hold you accountable to follow through.
• Notice, you want to frame it as "Introductions to Others" and not "Referrals." You don't know what your clients' experiences are with being asked for referrals. This will help set the right tone for the conversation.

Insight 2: Give Them a Prompt

A common method Agencies use when asking for referrals is asking a question that is too broad. "Do you know anyone who could use my help?" sounds simple, but it asks your client to mentally sort through every person they know in real time. That's hard, and most people will default to "I can't think of anyone right now."

Instead, give clients a specific prompt to work from. Life events are great triggers because they create a natural connection between a person's situation and your services. But also, don't forget to share your target market as a way to help your clients identify who they can introduce you to.

• Life event prompt: "Think about the people closest to you right now. Has anyone recently bought a house, had a baby, got married, changed jobs, or is in a similar stage of life as you are? Those are exactly the people I help most, and I'd love the chance to do the same for them."
• Target market prompt: "I've found I can be of most help to other business owners, specifically farmers, ranchers and owners of storage units. But most importantly, I want to work with others who are intelligent, responsible and fun - people like yourself!" If you know someone they know, feed them a name: "How about (name), would they be a good person to get to know?"

Using a prompt ensures the ask isn't abstract. It's a face. A name. A person they already want to help.

Insight 3: Confidently Ask After the Win

Timing matters. The best moment to ask is right after a win. After a successful review meeting, after delivering good news, after solving a problem for them. That's when your value is most real to them.

Here's how the full conversation flows:

• Before asking, get an affirmation of the work you've done. "How do you feel about what we covered today?"
• After a positive response, "Great! I'm really glad we were able to [accomplish X] for you, because the last thing I wanted to do today is to ask for your help. We build our Agency almost entirely through introductions from clients we love working with, like you." Then transition into the prompt from Insight 2.
• Set the expectation of how many introductions you are looking for: "The average person has a social circle of 150 people. I don't need all 150 names! I'm just looking for your top 10!"
• Take the pressure off your client by reassuring them, "I'm sure you have no idea whether or not they need my services. All I'm looking to do is introduce myself and that way if they ever need to talk to another insurance agent, they have my name and number."
• As you ask, expect a response. Get out your phone or have your pen ready to write down the names and phone numbers that they give you. This is part of being assertive. Insight

4: Be Assertive with your Follow Up

Once a client has someone in mind, ask the name and the warm introduction. Not one or the other.

• It sounds like this: "That's great. Do you mind if I ask, what's their name?"
• When they give you a name: "I really appreciate this. What's the best way to reach (name)? And would you be open to sending a quick text or email to make the introduction? I'll write it for you, so it only takes 30 seconds."
• When they say yes, hand them something they can send right now. The easier you make it, the more likely it actually happens.
  • Text prompt for your client to send: "Hey [Name], I've been working with [Name,] my [position title] for a while now and genuinely think you would benefit from a conversation with them, especially with everything going on in your life right now. Mind if I make an intro?"
  • Email prompt for your client to send: Subject: Someone I Think You Should Meet [Name], I've been working with [Advisor Name] at [Agency] and wanted to connect you two. I think a quick conversation could be really valuable. I'll let [Advisor Name] reach out. Hope that's okay.
  • Be sure to explain to your client what happens next. This ensures there are no surprises, nothing that feels out of their control, and it reinforces that you are going to handle this the right way, creating trust. For instance, if the plan is for you to introduce yourself you might say, "Thanks so much for your help. I plan to give these people a call in the next week or stop by their business. Would it be okay if I mentioned that I spoke with you and you thought they'd be someone I should introduce myself to?"

Insight 5: When They Say No or Can't Think of Anyone

Not every client will have a name ready, and that's okay. The ask itself builds credibility whether they say yes or not. A no to an introduction is not a no to you. It just means the timing isn't right, and you still have options.

• Remember the business card from the beginning of this conversation? It's not useless. It just needs a purpose. If they can't think of anyone at the moment, that's the right time to use it: "No problem at all. If someone does come to mind, here's my card so you have my information handy." Now the card has a job. It's a placeholder for a future introduction rather than a passive hope handed across a desk.
• You can also ask them to support you online. A Google review or a recommendation on social media from a happy client carries real weight with people who are searching for an advisor they can trust. "If you're open to it, a quick Google review would mean a lot. It helps people who are looking for someone they can trust find our Agency. I can send you a direct link to make it easy."

Either way, you leave the conversation having asked for something, having made it easy to help, and having given them a clear path to support you when the time is right. 

Pick one client this week and try the opener from Insight 1.